An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar:

"I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.


The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

I am a Dog-aholic.

I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of Dog-aholics Anonymous.

Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and don't really need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a dog-aholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help. DA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

1. Can you say "bitch" in public without blushing?

2. Do you drive a mini-van with all the seats removed replaced by crates when everyone else drives a real car?

3. Do you have more than one vehicle? One for you and one for the dogs?

4. Do you spend your holidays going to shows, clinics and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?

5. If you do go overseas, is it to a dog show vacation to Crufts?

6. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?

7. Do you consider formal wear to be skirts with pockets and flat
non-skid shoes?

8. Is your interior decorator Cherrybrook or JB Wholesale?

9. Was your furniture and carpeting chosen with your dogs in mind?

10. Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?

11. Do you find non-dog people boring?

12. Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs and dog magazines?

13. Do you get up before dawn to walk/train the dogs? Go to dog shows? Clinics? [but have trouble getting up for "work?"]

14. If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain bits of liver, cheese or squeakers?

15. When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of dog they have and pity them if they don't have one?

16. Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you remember their name?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.

If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.

My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and
smile, turn to the smiling person next to you, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring.

Author unknown


To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... ,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


WHAT DOGS DO FOR US

• Catch Frisbees


• Keep a night alone from being truly lonely

• Get us outside on beautiful fall days, rainy days
and snowy winter days


• Listen to our singing

• Treat us like celebrities when we come home


• Warm up our beds on cold nights


• Make our hearts more vigorous


• Alert us to the arrival of the mail

• Help us live a little longer


• Make us smile


• Agree with everything we say


• Warm our knees with the chins


• Provide a use for old tennis balls


• Signal when a thunderstorm is coming


• Help lower our blood pressure


• Test how fast we can run

• Keep the squirrels from overtaking our yards


• Teach us the meaning of unconditional love



THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG

*Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride


*Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy


*When loved ones come home, always run to greet
them.


*When it’s in your best interest, always practice
obedience


* Let others know when they’ve invaded your
territory

* Take naps and stretch before rising


*Run, romp and play daily

*Eat with gusto and enthusiasm

*Be loyal

* Never pretend to be something you’re not


* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it


*When someone else is having a bad day, be silent,
sit close by and muzzle them gently


*Thrive on attention and let people touch you


*Avoid biting when a simple growl will do


*On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a
shade tree

*When you’re happy, dance around and wag your
entire body


*No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into
the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make
friends.


*Delight in the simple joy of a long walk